There are times when a relationship hits its lowest point. During these times, people wonder if the relationship can be saved. Since two people always get together at their common level of woundedness, here is what I say to the partner who has sought my help: As long as you choose to remain in this relationship, there are things for you to learn. Each partner contributes 100% to the relationship, and it will look different for each person. Your 100% will not look the same as your spouses. While it is often easy to see what your partner is doing that is harmful to the relationship, it is often difficult to see what you are doing.
Yet until you learn about your part in this relationship system, you will take your dysfunctional behavior with you into another relationship. Unless there is physical abuse, it's generally a waste of time to leave a relationship before healing your end of the system. The time to leave is when you have learned to make yourself happy regardless of what your mate is doing. When you learn to take 100% responsibility for your feelings and needs, it becomes much easier to make decisions in your relationship. Therefore, it is important that you learn how to respond to your partner in loving ways to support your joy and highest good.
When a partner is available for
coaching, counseling, or a program doing their inner work, one of two things happens. Either the other partner likes what is happening and becomes more open, or the relationship becomes more distant and difficult. It is a 50-50 deal - half the time, things get better, and half the time, they get worse. This outcome isn't necessarily the end if both partners are still doing their inner work. There could be a growth plateau and an opportunity for the relationship. They need to be okay with either outcome. I encourage them to let go of the outcome and be in the process of learning how to take loving care of themselves.
If you are ready to care and grow yourself in the relationship then click the link below to get the workbook on Creating Happiness for You.